Death by Gorgonzola

Thursday, January 28, 2016
I have recently realised that, there is never going to be a good time to intentionally attempt to poison myself.

It is important that you know that I love blue cheese, in all its forms, and have been known to eat so much of it at family gatherings that my husband silently starts indicating that maybe I should slow down before I gorge myself into a coma. However, for the last four years, I have avoided Gorgonzola, based on the belief that I might be allergic to it. This kind of self restraint, around any kind of cheese, has never be demonstrated by another member of my family, in fact all of my relatives are baffled by this potentially unnecessary abstinence. Why unnecessary? Well I think I'm allergic to it but I really might not be.

Four year ago, I went to bed with a itchy face and surmised that I must have been bitten by an insect (the fact that both sides of my face were itching didn't strike me as odd as the time. What can I say? I must have been really quite tired and possibly more dim witted than usual).

The next morning I woke up and my face looked like this

This photo, which is amongst my favourites, was taken for two reasons: the first to capture the moment;  and the second to send as proof, to my friend Doreen, that I wasn't making shit up to get out of spin class. You'll be pleased to know that Doreen was satisfied with my excuse and suggested that I may want to seek medical attention. The long and short of which is the reaction got worse and I ended up in hospital being pumped full of steroids and antihistamines.

The doctor asked what I was allergic too. I didn't know but quickly concluded that it might be Gorgonzola. Why? The previous day my neighbour had kindly dropped off some pasta with homemade blue cheese sauce for my lunch,  she is a very generous and talented food photographer and cook, so rest assured it tasted amazing. However, I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had already eaten, so I put it in the fridge and then heated it in the oven at dinner time and shared with my family. The Gorgonzola pasta was the only unusual thing I ate that day. Furthermore, Google informed me (so it must be true) that when you reheat already cooked blue cheese it changes the molecular structure and apparently that's not good for some folks.

Ever since then I have, potentially needlessly, avoided Gorgonzola. I really would like to know for sure and have decided a plan to test for it:

1. eat uncooked Gorgonzola (with antihistamines close at hand), if there is no reaction;
2. cook and eat Gorgonzola  (with antihistamines close at hand), if there is no reaction;
3. Reheat and eat the Gorgonzola (with antihistamines close at hand).

Another obvious course of action would be to go and see an allergy specialist, and get tested in a safe manner, but that would involve making appointments and getting a referral for something that so far has affected me once and besides I'm very very lazy. 

At this very moment, I have, for the second time in recent history, Gorgonzola in my fridge  (the first time it got thrown out after the fridge was inadvertently switched off for an entire week while we were away on holiday. I considered that the results of my experiment would be some what jeopardised if I ate that cheese) 

So what is stopping me now? Well there just doesn't seem to be a good time to intentionally poison myself. If I do it today, I'm on my own with the kids and that really doesn't seem to be a good time for a potential medical emergency. If I do it Saturday Morning I might not be able to play softball in the afternoon and we are down to bare nine so my coach and manager will kill me. If I do it after, I may not be able to go to my friends 40th that night. If I do it Sunday, I might write myself off for Monday morning and stuff up Miss K's first ever day of School. Etc etc etc honestly the excuses are piling up and that really is why I have potentially needlessly avoided  Gorgonzola for four bloody years.

I'm tempted to make pasta with Gorgonzola sauce for dinner tonight and be done with it, but I know I will probably chicken out!


  1. Louise that made me laugh! I feel I perhaps shouldn't but I love how it's easier to potentially poison oneself than make appointments. I get that, I would do the same thing! Plus, you get to eat CHEESE. Which is basically banned for me now with this bloody gall bladder. I see your point though, and would try to wait for a more opportune time ;)

  2. I'm glad you laughed with me. The whole thing is absurd.

    Oh and I didn't make the Gorgonzola sauce tonight because the bloody antihistamines are out of date.


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